As I readied myself for church on Sunday, I pulled a new pair of jeans from the closet — wide-legged jeans with a super high waist. They’re on trend, people, and I am here for them in every way. As I zipped up this blessed piece of clothing all the way north of my belly button, I thought, Where have you been the last twenty years? They button up my tummy and cover a multitude of stretch marks in the process.
I paired those jeans with a turtle neck, and I asked my husband what he thought of my ensemble. He said I looked good — like a Charlie’s Angel. My son walked into the room, looked me up and down, then asked if we were taking the VW bug to church.
I laughed to high heaven.
My family’s insistence that I looked like I fell out of the seventies couldn’t deter my good mood. I wore those pants like a Jacklyn Smith wannabe and enjoyed every minute of it. Goodbye, dissected muffin top! No spare tire overhang in these here parts. Glory be! I could wear those pants every day of the week.
Alas, what works in pants won’t always work in principle.
The next day, I wore my regular ol’ jeans and my regular ol’ habit of running behind in my efforts to get out the door to meet a new friend. Arriving at the coffee shop, I found her sitting at a central table. I couldn’t help but also notice this military wife’s kind blue eyes and strong frame acquainted with maneuvering a thousand responsibilities while her husband works halfway around the globe. As we sat and sipped our chai latte and apple cider, I leaned into her tender demeanor and attentive way. Talking with her came easily.
At one point in our conversation, I told her my struggle involving a new situation going on in my life. She listened thoughtfully. Then she proceeded to hone in on the crux of my issue, to name it with such accuracy that it stunned me a little. She followed that up with her holy perspective on the whole thing, and I felt a wash of relief that made me tear up right then and there.
While I can be an open book of sorts and share easily, I don’t usually do so until I’ve processed things on my own a good while. I almost never share really vulnerable stuff with someone I just met. I stay buttoned up and definitely don’t get emotional. But this friend’s words just hit me square on the heart and all my usual-first-coffee-date-protocol flew out the door into the chilly Colorado air.
Sometime later, a different matter altogether weighed me down, and I started to feel like I had an emotional muffin top of sorts. It squeezed me tighter and tighter, and finally, a little too suffocated from the whole thing, I said to a dear friend, “Can I just ask you a really insecure question?” She answered, “Of course!” I did, and she immediately reassured me that the situation wasn’t as bad as I thought it to be. Furthermore, after talking down my fears, she asked if she could ask me a really insecure question. I happily obliged.
While this close friend has been in my life for years, I’ve never asked her a vulnerable question in such a direct way. But I was so glad I ignored my typical-longtime-friend-coffee-date protocol and asked it anyway. By the end of that conversation, we both felt a little more like our usual selves, exhaling in our roomier pants.
After mulling over both these encounters, a couple of things occurred to me.
First, there’s definitely a time and a place to keep your emotions buttoned up and on the inside. But we need friends who aren’t turned off by or afraid to see those emotional muffin tops spilling over. We need a gal pal or two who willingly answer our insecure, dumb questions. We need dearies whose words and demeanor hold up a mirror to show us a more accurate representation of ourselves. We need folks who’ll redirect us to Truth, the Compass that keeps us from veering too far inside our Crazytown thoughts and fears.
Secondly, while we all have limited time and resources, I hope we remain open to meeting new people because you and I never know where a simple coffee date will lead. Furthermore, you and I never know how one insecure question will ease our burdens. It’s a little scary to travel toward unfamiliar places, I know. But sometimes we must wade through the uncomfortable waters of unfamiliarity to dive deep into God’s rest and healing.
So, dear one, wear those high-waisted pants as much as you please. But don’t waste those emotional muffin top moments. Let them be arrows pointing you toward a little vulnerability with a safe person. You never know how that person will lower you through the roof, taking you straight to the feet of Jesus and His healing care.
Sometimes we must wade through the uncomfortable waters of unfamiliarity to dive deep into God's rest and healing. - @Kristen_Strong: Click To Tweet
by Kristen Strong
Kristen Strong
Kristen,
I just chuckled out loud when I read the title of your post. I still remember my kids chiding me when I wore my high-waisted jeans back in the day, “Those are such MOM pants.,” they chided. Just more proof that if you hold onto something long enough it will come back in style. Unfortunately I donated those babies years ago….On a more serious note, I agree wholeheartedly that when we dare to let our not so pretty or insecure parts show, we open ourselves up to let love and acceptance pour in. More often than not, when I dare to be vulnerable, the person I’m with is so relieved to know that someone else has the same insecurities they do. We are not meant to be islands. The enemy seeks to separate and isolate, but if we cling together (especially with our muffin tops) the enemy has less chance of discouraging as two strands are stronger than one, and a cord of three cannot be broken. Loved this post Kristen…a smile and Truth!!
Blessings,
Bev xo
Bev, you’re one of the realest real women, encouraging us all to not sweat the muffin top moments. Thank YOU. I adore you!
Sittin’ here in my Mum Jeans chuckling, but also well-aware that I work pretty hard at keeping the emotional muffin tops at bay as well. Thanks for modeling a brave encounter that also ended up being a safe one. May God give us wisdom and discernment as we share our hearts.
Yes, may He give us wisdom and discernment. Amen. xoxo
I’ve been learning when I’m vulnerable I’m creating safety and influence for others to unbutton too!
Yes, yes, yes! To all this I say amen. Thank you, Lynn.
Kristen, this is beautiful and timely. Thank you.
Thank you for being here, Pearl!
Kristen, your post is just what I needed to hear!! Right on time, sister! <
Praise God from Whom all Blessings flow! <
Joy in Jesus,
Lara <
I’m so glad, Lara! Praising God that you’re here with us!
I love this Kristen and yes, wading through can be messy and unnerving, but is always so fruitful.
And I bet you rocked those jeans! As another tall brunette I too always wanted to be Jaclyn Smith!!
Just another reason I love you, Niki! #JaclynSmithFanClub xoxo
It is so helpful having at least one friend you can call and be vulnerable with and run scenarios by, and ask those insecure questions of. One of those people has turned out to be my sister. She disperses wisdom and listens non-judgmentally and together we are growing.
I did notice the pant waists are rising. I agree, where were you when I needed you?
I love that your person is a sister. That’s doubly awesome! xo
I let my vulnerability show with my daughter the other day and surprisingly a caring loving side of her came out. She has always ,been more like her Dad – more logical, left brain type. We then went on to have one of the most deep conversations ever. We didn’t discuss pants, but we did discuss my goals and purpose in life which is something I have wanted to share with her for many years but felt it would be ridiculed. But it was really valued.
Well, that conversation is much better than pants. I’m so glad you got to have that time of connection with your girl! May it be the first of many. Sending love to you both.
Kristen,
I chuckled at the title also! God made us for community. He wants us to have friends & be open with them. He doesn’t want us to do life alone & try to handle everything by ourselves. Emily P. Freeman said in her book Grace for the Good Girl that women need to take the masks off & be real with each other. Quit pretending life is one big hunky dory party. Find some good friends & confide in them. Let them see the real you. Stuffing all those emotions in only causes us more pain, heartache & health issues. We need to get vulnerable & let ourselves be who we are. Go ahead & show the emotional muffin top- your friend may just say “me too”. Let’s all be vulnerable & open up to good friends. You may be surprised how God will help us handle the situation.
Blessings 🙂
Amen, Beth!
Thank you for this, Kristen. Fun fact: one of my best ‘muffin-top-facing’ friends is named Kristen! Thank you for this reminder that we are made for community and that we are not the only one.
Well, she must be a fabulous friend! Heh. 🙂
Thank you for being a part of this community, Emily. We’re so glad you’re here!
I love everything about this post! These are lessons I am still learning and writing about as well. Thanks for the encouragement Kristen